Thoughts on Motherhood

Since Mother's Day is coming up I've been thinking a lot about mothers...about my mother and about the mother I have been. I did not grow up with a 'Martha Stewart' type mother...my mother was a working mom. Now that I am an adult I look back on my childhood and wonder how my mom did as much as she did, how she managed to work full time with a one hour commute to and from work and still did her best to meet my needs. One of things I remember most about my mother is how proud she was of me and how evident that was in how she talked about me and how she treated me. There was never discussion of how I should do better in school or other endeavors. It made me feel good to know she was so proud of me so in turn I tried even harder. I learned so much about being a mother from her.

I have loved being a mother from the very second I became one, perhaps even before when I just knew I wanted to be a mom. Nothing can possibly describe that overwhelming love a new mother feels when she sees her newborn baby for the first time. I have been lucky enough to experience that twice and although some memories fade over time I believe this is a memory most mothers have burned on their hearts forever.

One of the most important things I have learned is that mothers aren't perfect...we don't always react well in all situations with our children and we don't always give them the best advice. I am learning that motherhood is a journey with your children...a partnership...a chance to learn and grow together. I try hard (in large part thanks to Adam) to enjoy and relish in all the little moments I have with my kids...more than anything I hope they have wonderful memories of our time together as they grow into adulthood.

Happy Mother's Day 2010

I am a child not a disability...

Yesterday I was at the grocery store in the checkout lane. There was a family in front of me with two adorable children, one of which was a little girl about 2 years old with Downs Syndrome. I smiled and waved to the little girl and she smiled back. I love children and adults with Downs Syndrome, I always have - even way before I had Adam. I am lucky to have known several and shared little bits and pieces of their lives. Anyway, back to the story - the cashier was asking the woman about her daughter and about how she found out the little girl had Downs. They were talking and the cashier told the woman she was actually pregnant with her second child and getting ready to do prenatal testing. The cashier goes on to say she has an aunt with Downs and was worried that she had a genetic predisposition to it. She goes on to tell about the prenatal testing she had with her first daughter and how 'relieved' she was when she knew the child did not have Downs.

Well, my mouth about dropped to the floor...now those of you who do not have children with any sort of disability may not get it, but that conversation could be construed as terribly offensive. I know I was offended and I can only assume that the mother of the beautiful little girl may have also been offended. Mind you I know the cashier meant no harm, but her words did suggest that there would've been something wrong if her daughter had been diagnosed with Downs. Little does she know what a gift these children and all children with special needs are! I have ran into such people before when I am out with Adam and off all the challenges I have faced having a child with special needs the worse is having these conversations or being on the receiving end of stares and pity filled glances. The attitude that this cashier had was that Downs Syndrome children are so lovable and innocent but thank God my child isn't like them.

The sad truth is I can't change how these people view us or view Adam. I can't make them realize how every day is a gift and to love your children for who they are, no matter what. What it does provide me is a chance to realize how thankful I am for this life I have been given; for the wonderful gift of raising Emma and Adam and for all those special moments I have to view the world as few people have the opportunity to.

So if you are reading this and you do not have a child with special needs please think about what you are saying to families who do...we do not want your pity. What we want most of all is for you to view our child first before seeing their disability for they are pure and beautiful souls and gifts from God just like your children. The disability is secondary...please just try to see them the way we do...if you can the blessing with be yours.